i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
As shirtless as possible
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
