Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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