my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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