I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
