In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize