Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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