I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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