Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
