god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
