I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
