I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Farmville is her only friend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
