Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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