I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
