Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
