I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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