take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
