I wish life had little blips of pornography
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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