dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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