It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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