this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize