i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
