mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
