I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
