whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
