Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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