I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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