This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
