i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
