So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
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