you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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