Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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