Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
