"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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