My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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