My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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