you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
