peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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