me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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