He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
