Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
40s are totally the cure
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
