K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
