I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
