he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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