If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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