The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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