Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You ruined the universe
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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