he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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