Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he wants to bone in the snuggie
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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