I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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