My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
