Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
