I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
