Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
