You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
