I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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