at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She's like a pop up book from hell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
