My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
