There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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