One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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