i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
