conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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