Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
