OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
