Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
