cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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