I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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