Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
