I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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